kidsgetlaid182

You'll Give It All Away In One Fun Night...

2009-08-13T11:49:00.002+08:00

The new blog; el-miffito<3

Smokers Outside The Hospital Door...

2009-08-11T10:14:00.006+08:00

I might close this blog up and start a new one. I might.
Why? Because my older posts, gambar-gambarnya terhilang.
I don't know how that happened xs
oh well...
But not now. Not anytime soon.

it's so quiet without them...

To A Brand New Chapter With Torn Up Pages...

2009-04-04T11:21:00.006+08:00

Wow, it's been so long since I last blogged. Things are different now. Better. Anyways, tekarih bali Netkad cause I needed to upload pictures for my mom. Old school pakai Netkad hehehe :) I miss my family; my parents, my sister and my brothers. It's different without them. It was really awkward not having them there with me on March 1st, 2009. It's okay though, as long as I know that they wanted to be there as much as I wanted them to be there, then that's good enough for me :) come home soon~

I Can't Spend A Night Without Wishing I Was With You...

2009-01-23T19:14:00.002+08:00

Sorry I haven't been bloging much lately, internet at home kana putus sudah. Yes, the brothers and sister, I shall buy you guys chocolate Reeses soon, no worries. Anyways, I don't have much to say, just... waiting for the right moment. It's terrifying. I'm scared to death. Hopefully, when everything's let out to them, everything would turn out to be okay. It's gonna be hard in the beginning, I know that already. But hey, my own consequences. Him there by my side every second, that's all I need.

I Wanna Tell You A Secret And Leave It On Your Lips...

2009-01-01T16:30:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna be heading out soon, just wanted to say a Happy New Year to everyone and Happy 11th Anniversary to you baby =) iloveyou. I shall see you soon, berry berry soon.

Note to self; imissyou terribly.
Just 2 more days.

You Say Hello; Inside I'm Screaming I Love You...

2008-12-28T13:27:00.004+08:00

Last night I watched Titanic. Kesian ah; nada keraja lain lagi. I felt weird yesterday; I felt different. It wansn't like any other day I've gone through ever since I came here. I kept assuming the worst I could possibly ever imagine, however, knowing in advance that I'm wrong. I just knew that whatever that was going through my head, none of them really mattered. It's not him; it's me. I'm my own problem. At that point, I thought to myself, if it's not him that I can have at that moment, then it's Baileys. It's not hard liquor; I just need liquor, you know. But then I fel bad for all the things I said to him. I know I've been cranky for the past couple of months; yes, he knows why. Making a huge deal from tiny mistakes you make; at least what I thought you did was wrong. It's just the distance that's screwing me over. I really miss him. As of today, I have six more days to go. I know it's not long before I leave Hanoi but I miss him. I can't wait any longer. Everything turns out great whenever he's around.

After hearing his voice, I've realized that I don't need anything else. It's just him that I really need. I'm not saying he wasn't what I needed in the first place, it's just that I don't need an alternate to make me happy. He's enough. You make me happy. So, I don't need Baileys after all. Macam inda pedah kan my story ah. Basically, point is that I fucking miss him; I can't wait to taste his lips and to feel the warmth of his touch all over again. Iloveyou baby and I'm so sorry.

Hold Me Tight Like You Never Did Before...

2008-12-23T13:14:00.003+08:00

Everything I see and everything I do reminds me of you.
Imissyou.

Without You, I'm Miserable At Best...

2008-12-19T13:11:00.009+08:00

Last night, I was reminiscing about the day I accidentally slept over at his place. I'm glad that his car kana tarik and that his parents took the one car out that night. Just glad, for that particular night. If it wasn't for the car problem, I wouldn't "accidentally" be sleeping over there. imissyou.

heh, lucah x)

Talking about sleep, it sucks to sleep here! I mean, when you're asleep, even when someone's walking around the house, bunyinya macam urang belari-lari. Bising bah! And early in the morning, the brothers and sister skulah. Lagi cha bising gila! I'm usually awake when they're getting ready cause I can't sleep with all the noise. I get satisfied when they leave, macam baru tah kan dapat tidur. But then, after an hour of finally getting some sleep, ada cha lagi bising atu. From across the street, they're building a new house. It's like, what the hell. Anyways, point is, here, inda cukup tidur. Even if you do fall asleep, there always that something that disturbs you. So yes, another reason why I can't wait to leave this shit hole. 3rd of January, just seems so far away.

Oh, and aku excited because
I figured out the configuration for GPRS sini.
hehehe exctied ku eh
but now my credit habis, so maseh jua inda dapat online with the phone.
Sedih cha ku nah. Sorta.

I Know You Do It For Pleasure...

2008-12-15T13:44:00.004+08:00

Had dinner out last night with a friend of dad's. Fancy place and good shit. Romantic lah that place; I would take him here IF he were here. Wish you were here with me. Anyways, had some soup thing with crabs in them, then fried crabs, then uhh.. can't remember but paling nyaman the lobster. yummm~

I can't wait to go back home. It's just shit here and I miss him way too much. Mahal lagi to text and call him. I can't stand it anymore. I wish I could go back home earlier; like tomorrow-early. Boring bah sini ah. Memalui di rumah tah ganya. But hey, 19 days isn't long, right?

nah kan, memalui.

You Contradict The Fact That You Still Want Me Around...

2008-12-14T16:18:00.009+08:00

Pictures saja for today ah;

straight up gangsta. HAHAHA!

shopping outside;

shopping inside.
ai, atu ganya ada. hehe sorrie =)

20 days and I'm back home.

He's Got A Way Of Making Things Okay When He's Not Around...

2008-12-12T12:42:00.013+08:00

8th December: my flight to Vietnam. He came late; like 5-minutes-lagi-kan-masuk-boarding late. I wasn't pissed at that moment, because I really wanted him there. I was just.. kusut. So I waited... and waited... and waited... I'm glad he made it though. I'm glad that I got to see him before I left. There's a point to this but let me just say how my flight went.

I know that I’m gonna be coming back but I was so sad to leave. Macam meninggalkan forever wah rasanya. Anyways, it took 2 hours and a half to get to Bangkok. Sampai sana, me and Aishah ate Burger King and then just roamed about the airport, killing time.

My phone was out of battery so we went around and around looking for a plug. We found one at Whittard of Chelsea. A coffee place. Bali saja lah any drink supaya dapat stay sana. But hey, the drink expensive and it tasted like shit. Buduh banar.

Then ke Duty Free before masuk gate. Bali kan momster some chocolate and saja-saja taking pictures to kill the sadness, as well as the time. Then got on the plane, took 1 hour and a half, I think and safely landed at Hanoi, Vietnam =) Mom was excited at first and now, entah ah, she’s like how she used to be when me and Aishah are around her: marah-marah inda pedah-pedah.

Anyways, point of this blog. Yesterday I got pissed off. I don’t know if it’s a good reason to be pissed off or not but it’s about his obsession with soccer. I didn’t mind in the beginning, but now, it’s just.. annoying. I mean it’s okay to be obsessed about something, just don’t forget others around you. It’s like soccer first then me. I just need to get this out of me so here it goes. I remember once he was gonna come over and I waited dari awal pagi, I was excited he was coming over. But then ada someone message him bawa main bula, he canceled on me to go play soccer. It was hard for me to be with him at first because of my parents. It’s not like this is the only chance ia dapat main bula. Can’t believe he canceled on me. Do I mean nothing to you? But it wasn’t that big of a deal that time so I didn’t care, ada kusut-kusut lah dikit. Then there’s everytime kan booking padang, awal tah ya bangun tu. Cuba tah kan mengaga aku, jarang berabis kan awal-awal. Latest example, I was gonna travel on the 8th, and he came late. I mean, is that right? Am I suppose to feel okay when he’s late for me and never late for soccer? Maybe I’m wrong but this is really getting to me. And then when they were one player short, and they don’t have enough cash to pay for the futsal tournament happening today, di pajal jua mencari that one last person. Ah! I don’t know how to explain this. Anyways, semangat wah ia kan main atu. Now that the tournament’s today, they’re short 4 players? Luan dipajal, ane makin kurang tah pulang nah. What’s the point of paying so much when noone’s gonna come anyways? He woke up early for this. When it comes to me, it’s like I’m nothing to him, you know. I don’t know. I don’t know how to put this in words anymore. All the anger is just building up in me. This is the best I can do. I hoped that he’ll get it one day, I showed him that I was pissed. I just hoped that he’ll figure it out himself. But he didn’t. So I’ll just post this up. Maybe he’ll read it. Maybe he won’t. It doesn’t really matter anymore. I just can’t stand it. I’m sorry. I just needed to get this out of me. So so sorry.

And like I always say, he’s got a way of making things okay when he’s not around. He does. Last night he called and everything’s just.. okay. It’s okay. I’ll get over it I guess. I do still love you. I really do.

Why Can't I Feel Anything For Anyone Other Than You...

2008-12-10T11:58:00.003+08:00

The neighborhood;

Second day without him around; I'm so not used to this. Can't wait till I go back home, I can't stand this. Imissyou baby.

Cute Is Just A Part Of The Things He Does That Amaze Me...

2008-12-05T22:57:00.003+08:00

Eh, I was in the mood to blog earlier, tapi ane hilang sudah.

Kana ceramah; lost my mood.
Update: I'll be off to Vietnam on the 8th of December, this Monday, at 12 noon with Aishah. Transit ke Thailand for FOUR fucking hours. Shit. Anyways, I'll be back with my mama on the 3rd of January.

Come on love, run with me.

He Looks Best Without His Clothes...

2008-12-03T00:58:00.006+08:00

Not much to say: went out again today. Only planned to antar my passport arah Babu Janah and give some cash to Usu for stuff to buy kan bawa ke Vietnam for my mom. Oh yeah, I'm off to Vietnam, most probably on the 8th with Aishah. She's staying there, I'm coming back here before school starts with mama. However, we ended up lepak at Judin's, saja-saja main ping pong and then ate at McDonalds after ke communist bali Saw 5; violent eh cerita atu. So yeap, not much to say; here's some pictures from today.

Goodnight.

Light Breaks Through A Crack In The Shades...

2008-12-01T23:11:00.005+08:00

An anniversary I did not expect. As you know, well if you don't know, Judin's car kana tarik. So it's hard just having one car for their whole family. Today he had no transport to come to my house; ia bekarih jogging from lambak to rimba. He left around 4? I'm not so sure and he arrived here almost 7. Kesian eh. He expected me to be happy but my first words to him, "buduh tah banar!~" banar jua tu, sweet tapi such an idiotic thing to do. Jauh wah tu. But but but~ yep, he made me smile like an idiot. Sorry baby~ it's stupid but who could blame you for your stupidity, right? hehehe nadawah~ iloveyou so much<3

urang samseng baru sampai di rimba

While waiting for si samseng, Azhaam and Aishah ke Giant bali stuff to eat and stuff Amit kirim. They got Betty Crocker's brownies mix, as well as the walnut chocolate chip cookies mix. Oh, and ada ice cream jua tapi I'm not allowed to eat it yet, bummer. Kana marah because of my sore throat =( Anyways, after Judin arrived we made the cookies. Nyaaaamaaan~ and uh, that's pretty much it. Dust.

outcome. mau?

You're Noticing Nothing Again...

2008-12-01T14:45:00.004+08:00

First of all, I would like to say
Happy Birthday to both Adam and Merve.

Second, happy anniversary to my "geng" hahaha i love you~ even though you sorta forgot. Anyways, Aishah's gonna be leaving soon for Vietnam, one more week, maybe. Yes she's a pain but hey, she's entertaining. Macam boring if she's not around. I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to it. Eh, I thought I had much to blog; I'm blank. I have nothing.

I'm Just Aiming To Please...

2008-11-27T23:33:00.003+08:00

It's been 9 months since I last drank. Today macam inda tahan so I drank a bit and man did it feel good. I guess I needed it to release a bit of stress. Did it help? Sort of. Not so much though but hey, it made me happy. Plus today was my last day in Maktab Duli; not officially the last day of school but I don't plan going on Saturday so yes, my last day was today. It kind of sucked in a way because ada problem with the friends. Dee badmood pasal me and Nisah inda skulah on Wednesday when she planned a farwell party for Nisah, the only one along with Eira staying back in MD. The others semua pindah to Katok next year. But anyways, I guess its kinda of okay now after Dee texted me; I guess I'll see them on the 7th of December, picnic di pantai as she planned. Had a party thing for maths at noon today. Kanyang berabis ku makan all the kinds of food kana bawa. Aku bawa parut saja hahaha sorry guys. Nada time kan buy stuff. And no, I don't have pictures; no camera, no pictures lah. Anyways, I'll miss those people yang staying, thanks for a good year. Happy holiday everybody.

Ouuhhh and Jazie ada new cat, Samson.
Aneh bah nama nya ah but the cat cute.
I'm not a cat person but this cat's an execption =)

Freaking Out Is Really Overrated...

2008-11-23T03:10:00.006+08:00

Finally changed layout :)
Yes yes, I know batah sudah inda blog;
payah bah relocating saja ane.
I'll have you all know, I still am stressed out.
Fucking stressed out. And broke.
Dead broke.
I don't know what else to do.

the good old days<3

Uh, nasib jua inda lagi batah cuti.
One more week of hell =)

Oh and yes, I think I passed Lower 6.
Passed with:
Maths - B
English Literature - E
English AS - E
Sociology - U
Total average 41.0
Awu, I'm proud of it; even though it's a shitty grade =)

You Could Be My Someone...

2008-10-01T02:21:00.009+08:00

Happy Anniversary
iloveyou :)

Where do I start? Random topic for the night; the one thing I wanted to ask him, I didn't get the answer. However, there was a whole lot of story behind him. Before, I said to myself that I don't wanna know his whole past, not everything. But tonight, I think everything came out. I know he used to play around with other girls, and I mean plaaaaay with them but tonight, I could see the clear picture. Him. Girls. Sex. Drinks. Drugs. Everything. It was kinda hard to take in everything in one night but who could blame him? It's not like I'm any different from him. But hey, ia luan belabih. Me? Did the same things he did but not.. that random? Different chick, different night. Am I relieved? You could say so. At least I don't question him anymore. So yes, pretty glad that this came out tonight. I really didn't see this coming tonight. Had my share. Had his share. So we're all good :) But then... it kinda gets me thinking though. I don't know. All this time, I've been assuming wrong. I had my eyes and ears out for Myra. But she's no threat to me. It's Bella. He loved her most. Does he still...? *kinda regret listening to everything.. kinda..*

Frankly, all the happiness had to be ruined. AmitDiah ceramah-ed me and Aishah, well mostly just me cause she ran off to the room. She left me alone. Sat there, listened to her talk the same shit all over again.. and again.. and again.. and again.. An hour and a half? Sure as hell felt like six fucking hours! But anyways, overall.. pretty good night. Slept through the day, woke up to eat sungkai and then this.

Ouh Ouh Ouh~
Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir dan Batin
to everyone :)
Especially my parents, I'm sorry for everything that I've done.
Hope you can forgive me.
I'll TRY not be.. what you don't want me to be :)
Miss you guys loads.

The Brilliant Mistakes That You Seem To Make Always Push Me Away...

2008-09-29T17:16:00.009+08:00

Chipsmore. I said to myself, "Don't let it get to your head. Don't let it get to your fucking head, Kadie. Maybe you'll get it wrong, as usual. And later, the most you could do is just blame yourself." Anyways, I'm starting to dislike such a word, for reasons that you don't or won't explain to me. Once I asked, you said you don't know. Then it's there; thank you phone logs. And now it's here again, online. I don't get it. I really don't. Hope everything will make some sense someday, one day. What's there to hide??

I wanna go to Pantai Tungku;
get my thoughts out.

So what's been happening?
- currently sick; three days now..
- quite depressed to hear that my kain for raya is re-sized from 21 to 29. 8 centimeters..
- got a haircut; not used to it yet cause it's.. short..
- bothered by "chipsmore", whatever the fuck it is..
- and also by his past; finally got me thinking you know..
- pissed off cause my iPod is still fucked..
- and yes, berry berry clueless of what to do about my other beloved..

- oh! and I want a new layout; just can't seem to find a pretty one..

- it makes me wonder at times; why can't I feel anything for anyone other than you..

DäMn ey!!C2 rùpänya prängäi nyä-ChùbÝ kr!ztL fm907.. says:
Chipsmore.. :p

murdercute_2309
i'm assuming that's a girl.. right?
first thing to see when she comes online.

buduh eh, gitau saja wah!!
FUCK THIS!! sasak ku eh!!

Remember More Than You'd Like To Forget...

2008-09-19T19:21:00.004+08:00

Okay, this might be a bit late but yeah;
~~scratch everything.~~ I'm staying in Brunei.

As cruel as she can be,
and not to forget annoying at times;
i miss my mom.
and my dad =(

I wish you guys the best
and I'll try not to be as "gauk" as you say I am.
I'm not saying I am, but yeah, I'll do my best for you.
iloveyou :)

Tell Your Heart Just To Wait A Little Longer...

2008-08-09T18:34:00.005+08:00

stay safe, stay strong
and let me know that you'll be here while I'm gone<3

The Faith You've Found I've Never Felt...

2008-08-08T18:52:00.003+08:00

~~To those I told I might be heading off to Japan, I'm sorry. Wrong information.~~
Today I just found out that we're gonna be sent off to Vietnam. How gay. I argued with my dad for about 2 hours, cause I don't wanna go. I wanna stay.

Dad: dengan siapa ko kan tinggal?
Me: amit diah ada jua
Dad: ngantar-ngambil kau skulah bah

*I wanted to say Judin, but it's my dad. I was too scared*
After a while, he thought about if I stayed. He asked IF I stayed would I wanna move to JIS? Hell yes! But then, my friends back in Maktab Duli. I can't just leave them you know. And plus, if I go to JIS my dad said that I'll be staying at the hostel. I don't wanna stay there. I don't know what to do. I wanna stay here, but I don't wanna live at the hostel. I wanna stay, but no no for the hostel.. What to do?

Infatuation Turning Into Disease...

2008-08-08T13:42:00.010+08:00

Actual date : August 5th, 2008
The day didn't go as we planned;

Happy 18th Birthday
Dee

and happy bithday to Aling as well, 7th August.
and to my fat brother, Ajis, 8th August.
may you both stay chubby :) if you want.

i can't guess if it's gonna be okay,
but now
my last wish is that you do this with me;
kiss me here
and hold my hand,
and let me feel like i'm the only one.

I'll Have You Know I'm Scared To Death...

2008-08-03T00:58:00.007+08:00

What do you suggest I do now?
A part of me wants to keep it.
But I can't. Not right now.
I really want to though :(

I Miss Your Hummings Between Our Breaths...

2008-08-03T00:32:00.005+08:00

Class Photo
2008

formal

informal

Yeah, that's all I have for today.

-i'm wrapped around in this useless state of mind-

Come On, Love, Run With Me...

2008-08-01T19:08:00.011+08:00

I'm so frustrated about my pimples. It just grows and grows and never stops growing; in size AND quantity! Buduh banar eh! And... I've been trying to blog about the 'family-sukan-ria' event the other day but I can't find the USB cable for the freaking camera. On top of that, I saw some conversations in his phone that I regret reading cause that's all I think about now. You know, them. Fuck you guys! As for him, why does he still have them?! ~~Kalau beguna dorang maseh agatah pulang!!~~ Stress saja memikirkan! Gosh~ anyways, here are some pictures (don't mind the face expressions.) This is just to show the birth of my pimples! FUCK!

-before and after's-

~~buduh banar!~~
aaaaahhhh!!!~

Bazilahhh; says:
ahhah, kau makan makanan beminyakk wah tu. its okay, mana jua nampak. *lies*
Bazilahhh; says:
mcm red mountains saja

makes me feel so much better :)
hahahahaha ku tumbuk ko pulang karang xP

Hope This One Won't Scar...

2008-07-18T15:46:00.003+08:00

Our days are repeating like it's all we know;
~~and i don't wanna hear her name anymore.~~

You fascinate me. Really.
I can spend a day just looking at you. I love when you smile. I like the way you tease me. I like the way you talk to me; never had anyone like you before. I like how cute you look when you smile. Did I mention I love your smile? I like that feeling when you hug me tightly. Those few minutes are the ones I think about when I'm alone. I like how easily you seem to be able to make my day seem perfect.

I can make a list. A list of all the things I like about you.

Though sometimes I still wish.
Someday.. Just someday.

You'll..

but it's okay.
i'll stop wishing someday.
one fine day.

One Day You & I Will Be Free...

2008-07-11T19:43:00.009+08:00

---------------------------------------

After so long, you would think that you would have so much to blog. My thought. But I guess I was wrong. This post.. it's been empty for the last hour or so. I'm blank. Completely blank. Anyways, a 'thing' just stroke my head. I think me and Judin are okay now :) I mean, my parents accepting him as my boyfriend. This is what happened: I was on my way home from Jud's place (Thursday. July 10th, 2008). Well, I didn't exactly go to school yesterday, more like my dad dropped me off at the school's dinning hall around 6.45-ish and Jud's came pick me up from there. Didn't feel like going to school yesterday, it's a Thursday. I hate Thursdays. So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I was on my way back home and both my parents didn't go to work. Jud's saw someone at the passenger seat of the swift car, it's door was open and so was the front door of my house. We assumed it was my dad. Then I got fucking scared, I had no idea on how to get home. So I messaged Aishah, to make sure where both my parents were. She told me my mom already saw Judin from out the window of her room. Me, more terrified. Blah blah blah~ Judin called up my mom and told her that he's gonna drop me off. So he did drop me off. My mom yelled and screamed. But I deafened myself. Can't be bothered to hear what she has to say... However, today she said, "kalau kan beboyfriend bisai-bisai saja. jaga nama atu. balik skulah tarus kerumah, jangan tah kan bejaur" basically, she's letting me go with Judin, right? eeeeeee~ i'm so happy :) it's not yet confirmed but who cares? I'm gonna think of it as 'lapas sudah' :)

---------------------------------------

Oh right, the other day, can't exactly remember when, we went to Miri. Abg G-Zul, me, Bibi, Inah and Jazie in a car. Nini and the Irings in another. Pictures?

SPAIN!!
hehe sexy wah the bottle x)

a rainbow on the way back home :)

just to show you how crappy
the camera on my phone is...

my shot

and this is Jazie's shot
pretty :)

---------------------------------------

Happy Belated Birthday
Mina Ilhan =)

sorry I didn't call you up,
I wanted to but I was low on credit,
and still am.
anyways, I hope you received my message.
I miss you and Merve so fucking much!
I love you guys<3

---------------------------------------

You Lie Until They Run Out Of Questions...

2008-06-22T22:24:00.007+08:00

So I have this image of myself, when I get a car, I'll be buying a can of Ginger Beer and a pack of Pall Mall, green. I don't know, I see myself buying just those two things everytime I'd be in need of cigarettes. And no, I haven't quit... it's too hard. Plus, all the shit that's been happening these days is making it harder for me to quit. Gosh, I'm in desperate needs of ciggies right now. I mean NOW! What's really bothering me? One thing is the cut on my feet, just above my toe. Okay, it might look like a small cut but I'm the type of person who don't handle pain very well. I can barely walk, fucking painful. Glad it's the holidays though. If it weren't the holidays, then I'd be more, how you say "kusut" cause I wouldn't be able to go to school. Not excited for the studies but for Judin. I miss him, I think that's the reason for these pimples on my face, the other thing that's bothering me. Anyways, the holiday so far... been bored to my ass crack, doing nothing: just sitting around and killing time. Don't eat as much either cause I get so tired just to go downstairs and get something to eat. If it wasn't for the injury then I wouldn't mind going up and down the stairs. Again, don't wanna make a big deal out of it but it hurts so much.

All this time sitting my ass at home made me think about alot of stuff, mainly about back in AD. I just miss everything I used to do, it was so much fun. I wasn't scared of anything back there, I could be myself where ever I go. Compared to here, it's not the same. How do I explain this? Well, back in AD, with Mina and Merve, where we go I don't care about what other people think of me. I'll laugh as loud as I can and not care if people are bothered from us or not. Here, it's the total opposite. I try to hide who I am, not on purpose. I guess it's cause I'm scared of what people think of me... Yeah, it is cause I'm scared of what others would think. I just wish Mina and Merve were around cause it's so much better having them around. I'm stressed of everything and I miss my piercing. The worst thing is, I only have one picture of it :( I wanna re-pierce it... should I? But where? And I don't have the cash.. aaahhh~ this sucks.

i miss this :'( badly...

Oh! And my simcard!! Annual fee, 23rd of June. TOMORROW! Well, now it's more like in an hour. My parents won't give me cash for it. I don't have cash at all. I've been dry since God knows when. Fuck this, I'm fucking broke. I guess I'm gonna give back Judin's simcard back to him cause yeah, mine's gonna be dead and he's the one using it. I want that school allowance shit :( I can't believe I didn't get it. All the trouble of getting a bank account; trying to wake up early in the morning but end up waking up late and being scolded by my parents. Can all of this get any worse? I think I've been watching too much of My Name Is Earl to realize that this may be karma. Idiot.

I Still Feel You With The Taste Of Cigarettes...

2008-06-20T16:20:00.009+08:00

It got me thinking, I miss those days spent in AbuDhabi. I was just looking through some pictures and it's just so... fun. I've never had friends like the friends i had (and still have) back there. It's good to be home, around family and relatives. I do love them all, but I don't know.. From what I've experienced, so far, living here and living back in AD, I prefer it there. Yeah, I get homesick sometimes but I don't know.. I think it's Mina and Merve. I just can't be away from them I guess. Plus, these days, I haven't talked to them lately. I miss them alot. I love them more than anything, I swear. If I could just live those days again.. aaaahh~ i miss them so much. For now, all I've got are memories. Soon, I hope to see you guys again. I can't wait :)

Some random pictures:

My Bitches :)
I wasn't there when you guys took this.
When was this? hahaha I have no idea
Anyways, i miss you guys.

March 25th, 2006
I think it was finals? Mina, Aishah and Quba went to get new shoes.
and then... ta-da! we're all wearing the same shoes :)
well, sorta.
point it, first time with the black converses.

December 28th, 2005.
Baskin Robbins, Abu Dhabi Mall.
Yes, Merve fell off her chair hahahahaha good times.
the discovery of
"Five Pink Spoons."

"Sperm" on Steph's sheets.
hahahaha
nah, it was actually glue
but it sure as hell looked like sperm.

When was this? hahahaha
all i remember is that this was
an imitation of Bobby.
did i use the right word? hehehe let's just hope it's right :)

Finals.
I remember this moment, clearly.
First, we put Mina in the trash..
I guess she wanted revenge back cause I laughed at her so fucking hard
hahahahaha!!
good times. but then she embarrassed me.
she got everyone, except Aishah, to carry me and put me in the trash.
infront of Arikat and Omar :$ huhu

That's it for now. Internet's being a pain
and it's really annoying.
kidsgetlaid<3

You Lie Awake And I Sleep Just Fine...

2008-05-27T17:39:00.006+08:00

Last night, the Ismail's went over to Inah's place, pasal burfday her mom. So yes, a night out of "town". Anyways, makan-makan sana, with the rest of the momster's-side-crew. Lapas atu kan, lapas makan, had an idiotic moment with Aishah, Jazie and Inah, as always. Ketawa-ketawa saja ah, shit eh.. I don't even know how to explain how high we were hehehe macam high from weed wah, we would laugh at anything. Took pictures, don't know if these pictures would explain the highness but yes, we were "high".

the geng-grengek HAHAHA!

that's it.
the other pictures luan hayal to post up hehehe :)

He's The One Who Keeps Me All Excited...

2008-05-26T18:20:00.006+08:00

Finished school at 12, and on my way down to the dinning hall, Juds ada sudah :) yes, I was berry berry happy :) Then did the whole routine like every other school day: pick up his siblings at school then back to his place. He was supposed to send me home at 2, pasal he had to go to work. Tapi kan, he didn't go hahaha ia bagitau Darul that ia ada medical certificate yatah ia inda kaja. Pemalas~ hehehe padahal nada ada ya kana bagi mc. boooo~ hehehe x) Anyways, I had fun with him. I mean, it's been so long since I've had alone time with him. These days usually ada Darul with us. Today, just Juds and me :) Didn't do much, watched the last episodes of Supernatural Season 2 together. Yeah, it's not much but I enjoyed it. Alot :) and thennnn~ first episode of My Name Is Earl, first season. Didn't concentrate though hehehehe x) iloveyou<3

hopefully, the future phone
sadly, not 5310 but this is okay too :)

yeah, that's pretty much it.
Oh, and yes I might get Nisah's Sony Ericsson,
S500i for $200.
My dad didn't wanna pay $200, just $150
so i told Nisah I'll pay her the $150 first,
and then sudah my allowance keluar
I'll pay her the rest.

eeeee~ I'm excited :)

He Broke My Feelings Like I Had None...

2008-05-24T20:28:00.005+08:00

A Saturday. The day of the week where I spend my time with Judin. But today he picked me up late from school. I was actually gonna cry... Okay, let's start over. I had school, and I finish at 11. Since he has work, he gets off at 12, so I waited for him till 12. From 11 to 12 was okay, cause I had Dee and Nisah with me, inda lah ku boring. But then at 12 Nisah went to class, and Dee with Jidah, Eyan and Wardi jalan ke mall. They offered me to go with them but I didn't want to go pasal I thought Judin kan aga aku. So I waited... and waited... and waited... I was so bored, and lonely :( couldn't text anyone, pasal nada credit. So again, I waited... and waited... and waited... sampai 1.45, Juds maseh nada. I really felt like crying you know... I was too bored. Then Dee and the others baru balik dari mall, and they were shocked that I was still at school. Then dorang tanya why aku maseh diskulah, so I explained: Juds balum aga. Then, dorang pulang mental ane wah hehehe Jidah cakap that if this happened to her, mati dah tuu her boyfriend. Dorang thought Juds lupa to pick me up, thats why dorang mental :) me? yes, on the verge of crying, but I didn't because Darul ada message saying that they had alot of work, so I just waited... Lapas atu kan, ada cha Juds around 2.30 :) blahblahblah spent the rest of the time, till 4 with him at his place, and Darul.

------------------------------

didn't manage to get Hasim's picture, got this instead :)

I came back home, and guess who was at home? HASIM~ cSexy Beast hehehehe x) yes yes he's very very sexy :) I think Juds was pissed, cause I said cHasim sexy. I mean, I can't lie. He is too sexy. It's not that I like him or anything. I just like him for his sexyness, nothing more. I hope I didn't hurt Juds. I don't mean to. Sorry baby~ I'm just kidding around you know. You know I love you, just you :) *hugs* Oh, and yes, me and cAishah tried to take his picture, tapi inda berani hehehe and when he waved as he was about to leave, in Juds car, fucking sexy man. The smile. whoooopssieeess~ sorry again cBaby hehehe x) I'll stop now, about Hasim.

I love Zudeen :)

Overall, started off quite bad
but ended okay.
Memorable :)

Let This Mistake Bring A Vivid Crystal To Your Eyes...

2008-05-23T13:28:00.007+08:00

I'm so bored. I was just looking through pictures that's left in dad's laptop, the other pictures hilang :( don't know where it went.. hmmmmph.. i miss my laptop, i wanna fix it badly, but don't have the cash to. i want the songs, the pictures and the videos, especially the kidsgetlaid video. So yea, as I was looking through pictues, I came across this one picture, me and cAishah, time di Excapade with Abg G-zul:

I miss going out, it's been so long since I went out for fun. I mean just cousins, and the random pictures we take. I don't usually like to take pictures, but i don't know, with cousins, I don't mind. Like at school, payah wah kan begambar with the friends. Well, that's maybe because I'm wearing a tudung. Yes, I've got this horrifying look when i wear a tudung :) Point? I don't know, I'm just bored. I wanna go out, but I don't think my parents will let me, pasal yesterday the brothers and sister inda skulah. And yes, I wanna smoke. Now.

bubye :)

Seduction Leads To Destruction...

2008-05-23T07:55:00.010+08:00

Happy Twenteenth Birthday

to cBaby :)

heh, makin tua cBaby ah, twenteen sudah x)
i feel guilty though pasal balum ada bagi him a present huhu
i'm still dead broke, i really don't have no cash, at all.
(late post, didn't have time hehehe sorry baby)

anyways 22nd may,
watched manutd vs. chelsea champions league final.
quite intense during the last minutes of extra time, watched it with my sibling, dad, cBaby, azham and darul. dorang slept over :) so yeah, who won? of couse manutd, duh~ tapi just penalties.
siuk berabis and van der sar sexy x)

hehehe fun. kabak-kabak. and yes, fun.
ManUtd won, Judin's birthday present? hahaha antam.

------------------------------

and previously, won EPL too.
UP CHELSEA'S ASS :)

I'll Take You Out Though I'm Hardly Worth Your Time...

2008-05-01T18:29:00.003+08:00

Happy Anniversary Baby :)

...iloveyou...

You Lied To The Angels, Said I Stabbed You To Death...

2008-04-30T20:48:00.005+08:00

i like this picture. very much x)

Point of the post: so we, the family, were eating Jolibee, take away. Is that how you spell Jolibee? Fuck it. Anyways, burger my dad inda abis because he got full (obviously, DUH!!~), then Ajis, the fatboy, said with confidence, "burger daddy kah tuu alum siap ah?" HAHAHAHAHA!! buduh. confident banar ya becakap ah.

Ajis, setau much?

Kiki At The Beach...

2008-04-30T18:22:00.007+08:00

I went to the beach and saw Kiki,
and she was like "aaaaahh"
and i was like "whatever!"

Everytime i go to me literature class, i see this written on my desk. I find it so fucking hilarious. hahahahaha!! I can not not laugh at it. I don't think I'm gonna get fed up with it anytime soon :) o h and yes, I'm jealous of Jazie. She got that sexy phone, that Nokia 5310 XpressMusic . Karang ko ah. Jealous berabis jua ku nie. I want a new phone so badly, kesian wah my phone, it's so... fucked. It's glued together with tape, supaya it won't fall apart. I NEED a new phone, not just any phone, I want THAT phone. I guess i won't get it anytime soon though, parents are broke, therefore I'm broke. And I owe KaNurul $420. I'm seriously fucked. And Judin's birthday is coming up, I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna get him something. I'm dead broke. Good luck Kadie<3

Oh, and I found this piece of paper
under my desk in literature class,
and there was written:

You say hello,
inside I'm screaming I love you.
You say good night,
in my mind I'm sleeping next to you.
You drive away
from my car crash of a heart,
and I don't know...

But you gave me the best mix tape I have,
and even all the bad songs ain't so bad.
I just wish there was so much more than that
about me and you.

You talk to him,
and it burns me like the sun.
You talk to her,
and you say that you feel like he's the one.
I talk to me,
but you can't hear the pain I feel.
You don't know...

Cause you gave me the best mix tape I have,
and even all the sad songs ain't so sad.
I only wish there was so much more than that
about me and you.

Oh, don't turn around and say bye again,
Yeah, it crushes my head when you call me your friend.
and I'm not the same person
from back in the day in the back of the class
that you thought was gay.
No, I can't find the words cause I lost them
the minute they fell out of my mouth.
And it's love and I'm in it,
so give me your lips
and just let me kiss 'em
and let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mix tape I have,
and even all the bad songs ain't so bad.
I just wish there was so much more than that
about me and you.

I haven't heard the actual song, but yeah I found out that Butch Walker sings it titled "Mixtape." I like the lyrics... it makes me think. Think about what? I'm not so sure :) but anyways, I'm guessing from the singer's name, I don't think it's gonna be a good song. hahahaha yes, I'm quite judgmental.

Trade One Heart For Another...

2008-04-28T19:15:00.009+08:00

So we went to the mall, for Jazie's birthday. belated :] earlier that morning me and cAishah arah urang kawin, yatah we bawa our clothes and ikut iring right after the wedding. iatah kan, when we were at iring, i realized we forgot to bring our shoes. buduh jua tuu. i mean, im not going anywhere with those heels, especially not the mall. so hard to walk in them. i don't get how the other girls can. seriously. we dropped off inah and jazie to the mall first, while me and aishah balik kerumah and get our shoes. yeah, i love my converse x) okay okay okay, the mall. it was fucking interesting. first of all, inah and jazie got their first kiss. hehehehe so excited for them. yaaaay~ xP cJazie bah, macam pro sudah ah x) and inah, it took them a while to make the move, pemalu ah. when me and aishah sampai arah mall, kami meet up with judin and azham dulu. because they had to go soon, around 3.45, ada tournament bula. weird moment. judin bad mood pasal don ada. i mean, i dont get it. why does he have to be in a bad mood? bukannya aku sama don. he's jazie's friend, kan bad mood tah pulang. anyways, after they left we went to westreet, and met up with kiim and bobby there. it was pretty weird at first, it's been so long since i've seen them. inda banyak cakap ane wah. malu-malu hahahaha. kiim looked different compared to last I saw him.

*other cerita about me and kiim... cencored* HAHAHAHAHA!! byebye.
oh yeah, i felt guilty after being with him. so i told judin about meeting up with kiim and bobby at the mall. surprisingly, judin was okay with it. i didn't expect that. i think i'm gonna get over kiim sometime soon. i think. i know is that i should.

the pictures i'll post up sometime soon,
it's in aishah's phone and since ia nada the memory card reader
it's a long procedure kan masuk kan arah this laptop.
kalau my laptop inda rusak, then it's fine.
but it's broken. buduh!
hehehehe sabar wah kadie eh. kan mental saja ya~
so yes, next time :]

Drowning In Drunk's Insanity...

2008-04-28T19:08:00.003+08:00

There was a blackout, whole of kampung rimba and some other places. I was so stressed out hehehe i came back from school around 4 right, then masa balik dirumah there was no electricity, and it was so hot. yes, i was really stressed. sampai malam ah. the whole family then went to lambak arah tangah isah around 7.30, kan liat manchester united. believe it or not, manchester lost. so again, i was really stressed. no, i meant, more stressed out. membari sasak jua tuu huhu bussit tah banar. anyways, but it was pretty cool in a way. me and aishah was at the balcony when we were at home. kami liat outside, it was so dark. we said, "iatah usulnya nie kalau ada zombies attack." hehehe x) zombie saja wah kami pikirkan ah. they're so creepy, especially in nightmares. i get so scared. more scarier than midgets. hehehehe oh yes, im scared of midgets.

uhhhh.. that's it :]

Light Breaks Through A Crack In The Shades...

2008-04-25T14:29:00.006+08:00

I was supposed to blog yesterday but i got tired and slept. I didn't go to school yesterday, again. Went to Borneo Clinic and got a medical certificate, cuti two days: Wednesday and Thursday. Morning was fine. Ate with my parents around 7 at this place, forgot what it's called. Talked and stuff, just waiting for the clinic to open. anyways, i got alot of medicine and it's pissing off since i don't know how to swallow the freaking things. 1 tablet for fever. 1 tablet of an antibiotic. 2 tablets for sleshma and cough syurup. 3 times in one day! fuck. ouuuuh. and i went to get my BIBD atm card :)

heh. it's so pretty :] tu tu tuu~ ada nama kuu~
HAHAHA sakai x)

the day went pretty well, until i came back home. momster knows that i don't know how to talan ubat wah then ia mau aku makan that instant. iatah ia marah-marah. and that pissed me off. so i ate it and i felt fucking sleepy huhu as i was about to go to sleep, i went online first. Akam tagur aku, and added miraa to the conversation. i dont know what she wants from me, i swear. ia kan ucap2kan aku wah. i mean, what the fuck. leave me alone bitch. i don't bother you, so don't bother me. i guess she still loves judin. that's not my problem, who told you to leave him in the first place. i guess she just loves to hate me. but then i thought, what if she was still with him till now? i guess life would be easier for me. i wouldn't know judin up till now. i guess i could be with kiim, right? i mean, that's if he wants me back. so yeah, would be easier. cause now, it's just so damn complicated. i wanna let kiim go. it's for the best. but i guess it's just my selfishness that's not letting me let go of him. i want him with someone else, but i'm being selfish. i wanna see him with someone else, but at the same time i don't want to. stupid kadie. get over him.

------------------------------

later that night, judin and azham came over after main bula. my parents weren't home. it went pretty okay tapi aku lalah berabis wah, i ate those medicines and i just felt so weak. but didn't go to sleep pasal judin ada dirumah. we all watched monster inc. hahahaha me and ajis laughed so fucking hard at that part where that green dude, what's his name, put on his contact lens. HAHAHAHA!! cali wah. i mean, he just has one one, basar lagi tuu. hahahaha idk. i couldn't stop lauging x) i think that was it. was it? i cant really remember cause i was basically half asleep when all of this happened. oh right. it was funny how azham played guitar, and kept on playing sean kingston's beautiful girl, over and over again. they all sang. i wish i recorded it but i was too hayal hahahaha. bubye<3 style="text-align: center;">

bubye<3>

You're As Weak As The Hearts You Break...

2008-04-23T21:04:00.005+08:00

oh, and you know what sucks? the fact that i didn't get him anything for his birthday :( i mean, he's planning on getting me something for my birthday. well, that's what he told me when he called me. im sorry :( i wish i have gotten you something. see, you deserve someone better. im such a dumbass. i want you to find someone else, someone better. trust me, im not worth it. i really dont want you sad because of me. i want you happy happy wah~ please be happy. please...

"i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie"

he sang it to me once :)
and i loved it.

My Hands Around Your Throat, I Think I Hate You...

2008-04-23T18:01:00.008+08:00

i actually had so much to blog, but never really bothered to. yesterday, kiim texted me up saying that his friend aman saw me at wesmart on sunday. i dont really remember seeing him there, well, more like i dont know how he looks like. i wish it was kiim there though instead of him. i really wanna see him. it's been so long... anyways, earlier today i went online since i didn't go to school, im sick. while i was online, kiim's friend ada tagur aku about him seeing me at wesmart the other day. i said yeah that was me, and i already knew cause kiim told me. he then talked about kiim, and it went somewhat like this:

Moon child says:
Hey, i think i saw you di wesmart

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
when? sunday? aman kah nie?

---for the record, my screen name is meant for kiim---

Moon child says:
yeah

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
oh okeh. then yeah, that was me. kiim told me you saw me.

Moon child says:
yeah. that dude loves u

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
:) is he okay though?

Moon child says:
hes okay but ur not

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
im not?

Moon child says:
sory to say this. he's a guy with good thoughts and all, and he's always talking about u.

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
and your point?

Moon child says:
figure it out yourself man. girls these days just wants to fling

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
what are you saying? kiim's just a "fling" to me??

---yeah, i got pissed off when he said that---

Moon child says:
if you want someone, tell them u want them, if u dnt want that guy, tell em straight to their face! and besides im just talking to myself. and that moron loves u.

---don't call him a moron! you're a moron! heh, i know he's trying to help kiim out, but still.. i know this was not gonna be my day---

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
its just that i cant decide.

Moon child says:
Eh atu kau punya hal lah tu. jangan ko biarkan ia gantung2 cematu bah.

...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
hmmmm.. kay..

Moon child says:
do what u gota do, be wise for fuck sake. ur old enough to think wisely

Moon child says:
i wont tell him that i've talk to you.

Moon child says:
u cant possibly love 2 guys at the same time, thats like licking a horse nut sacks

---then i went off, cause i cried. i didnt mean to cry, but i did---

now i dont know what to do. i kept on looking back through kiim's messages. i thought of leaving him alone cause i can see that im hurting him somehow... i dont wanna hurt him anymore. though, i dont have the nerves to leave him. i know that as soon as i let him go, im gonna keep on looking for him. i need him around. i do. i keep on thinking, i just really dont know what to do. so i went outside to take in some fresh air and i saw that library blue board kiim took when he got drunk. i know its just a library thing, but it means something to me. cause he got it and left it outside my house.

"idk, when i wasnt sober i felt like leaving you something to tell you i was thinking abt you. Dumb dumb kiim. no more dumb dumb." a part of the message he sent me the next day. he's so fucking nice, and oh so very very cute. i miss you cTiut.. and i dont know what to do :( im so sorry~ i think i should leave you alone, i know i should. you need to get over me, and same goes for me. but it's so hard. i should get over you, i really should. im so sorry :'( i just want you to tell me that you're gonna leave me alone, that would be easier for me. i don't have the guts to tell you that we shouldn't contact each other, not for a while. fuck, i really miss you. i need your hug. i remember the way you used to hug me, and how we would spend the night together, outside. and that one particular night we looked at the stars. okay, sounds weird, but gawd. how i wish i could do anything to go back to that night. i dont know how to make this easier for you.. i thought of just leaving you alone by not contacting you anymore. dont reply your messages, dont miss call you back, dont text you back when you're online, but i just cant. you know i need you, you make me smile. when im sad, you always know when to text me up. i mean, i remember i had this problem and i was just not in the mood for anything. then you randomly messaged me. you dont know how happy i was. you're always there for me, but im not always there for you. i know you're not okay, but you still tell me that you're okay cause you dont want me to worry about you. im fucking worried about you. i really am. and the worst thing is, i seriously dont know what to do. i ask people around me, but.. yeah, i dont know. aaaaahh~ i think im gonna cry again. i think i should stop. okay, im gonna stop. byebye kiim. and im really really sorry for causing you so much trouble :'( *hugs*

When You're Gone, I'll Be Fine Without You...

2008-03-30T18:37:00.004+08:00

Today me, cAishah and the twins Gmah & Grah went to the Giant. ramai urang ah... palui! ooohh~ i saw Helmi there with his parents, that's probably the first time i've seen him since primary 6. he looks the same, just taller. eh whooopsiiiees~ Rifdi cakap his name Zulle sudah now. hahaha its so weird, i'm not used to call him by that name x] anyways, i told AbgJuds to come pick us up dari Giant ah, we wanted to smoke. hehehehe so he did and we went lepak arah rumah Azham for a while.. that's pretty much it. and im so not ready for school tomorrow. boring eh~ i want moooooore holidaaaaaay~ uhhh.. bubye :]

KFC! HAHAHAHA!!! x]
kesian kami ah, kapih waaaah~
could only afford one snack plate for 4 people hehehe

AbgJuds at Azham's place x]

The Pain Has A Bad Reaction...

2008-03-30T17:54:00.008+08:00

These few days we've been going over at Iring's, meramai2kan abang basar kan kawin. Anyways, its been fun but reaaaaaally tiring. Yesterday and the day before kami main lotto wah.. cali ah hahaha i didnt win though, tough luck x] anyways, jajun won. once hehehe i think she won $8? or something like that. uhhhh, i dont know what else to write..

so.... the pictures :]

my lotto paper thingies.. nada luck wah. bullshit!

Jajun and her caaaaash~ hahahaha x]

Random thing, buang boring.

uhhh.. again buang boring
and remembered Madina Lake's House of Cards
hehehe :]

You Can't Disguise A Heart While It's Breaking...

2008-03-26T20:08:00.005+08:00

Today today todaaaay~ went visit Fuad di hospital, something about his tonsils? not really sure. me and aishah takut wah tuu tadi kan tanya our dad if we can go to the hospital to visit her friend "Rawdah" hahahaha. anyways, we were so nervous, then aishah tanya my dad if we can go to the hospital and just ikut kawan Umar cAbgJuds. then ia cakap okeh hehehe excited jua kami tuu~ dapat jua aku jumpa AbgJuds ku tuu~ hahahaha boh. cJajun and cInah nie punya pasal, tebiasa pulang panggil my baby cAbgJuds x] ia inda suka kali ah~ hehehe tadi tadi tadi time in the car sama ia i called him AbgJuds by accident and he poked me sampaaaaai.. umm.. uhhhh.. me on the verge of peeing? hahaha catu lah.

cFuad after the operation. kesian eh~

eh eh eh~ cBaby ada futsal tournament.

GoodLuck baby :]

I'll Be The Sin To Your Vacation...

2008-03-25T19:39:00.020+08:00

That day when we went to Supersave and Pantai Tungku.

That night we made brownies.

Pantai Tungku again, this time with relatives.

Time ambil kain for abang basar kawin.
just took one picture though hehehe tapi kan, memorable wah. pasal we (inah, jazie, bibi and me) danced in the middle of that store. hahahaha cali waaaah~ heh, i dont know how to explain this but yeah, good times :]

The Mall; Double-Double-Date :]
(jazie's date didn't come though.. sorry baby~)

...that's all i have...
byebye :]

Look At The Mess We Made Tonight...

2008-03-25T16:42:00.007+08:00

addicted to
The Medic Droid - Fer Sure Maybe :]

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb
Pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard
Look at the mess we made tonight

Kick off your stilettos
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
Fuck me in the backseat
You're always falling in disguise
And always quick to compromise

Kick off your stilettos
[oh yeah]
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
[fa-fa-fa]
Fuck me in the backseat
Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

This is the end of what we planned
[of what we planned]
And now...

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart
[so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes
[Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops
[I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o
Well don't let go, no-o
Don't let go

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb
Pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard
Look at the mess we made tonight

Kick off your stilettos
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
Fuck me in the backseat
You're always falling in disguise
And always quick to compromise

Kick off your stilettos
[oh yeah]
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
[fa-fa-fa]
Fuck me in the backseat
Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

This is the end of what we planned
[of what we planned]
And now...

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart
[so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes
[Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops
[I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o
Well don't let go, no-o
Don't let go

No jk jk jk lololol
I heart your fucking makeup
Oh my god I love your hair
Is that a new tattoo?
Did that piercing fucking hurt?
No jk jk jk lololol

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart
[so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes
[Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops
[I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o
[All this time is wasted]
Well don't let go, no-o
[Pretending we're in love]
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry
But that's alright

yes, i suggest you
listen to this :]

A Little Death Makes Life More Meaningful...

2008-03-25T16:20:00.006+08:00

fuh! buring ku eh laptop ku balum baik ah! cant post up pictures. i think by the time laptop kuu baik, i'll have too much pictures to post up and hilang mood kali tarus eh kan post them up. banyak banar kali ah.. bussit banar eh. anyways, currently bored, as usual. yesterday went to The Mall to watch Shutter. it's shit compared to the Thailand version. inda membari takut ah. buring banar. menyasal wah meliat atu.. i should've just watched 10,000 BC. Shutter's a waste of money. i suggest you NOT to go watch it. buduh! heh, but it's okay :] kami kami kamiii double double date yesterday x] tapi kesian jajun, her date didnt come. jahat wah cDon ah! kalau ia ada wah, me and bibi were gonna run up to him and and and... do stuff x] hehehe anyways, inah with her "khairunisa" HAHAHAHA! and and and~ bibi with azham, me with... siapa nah? babykuu laaah~ hehehehe. so yes, what did we do? lepak2 waiting for the movie because we came like around 1 and the movie starts at 4.20 so memaloi lah arah mall :] nanti tah taruh pictures, cant right now because my stupid blahblahblah laptop is freaking fucked! ouuuhh, and there's this thing that happened with Don. kesian cDon ah, Judin and the brothers were pissed at him because ia meramas the sister.. iatah kan.. i was scared they were gonna beat up Don, he's just a kid.. no need to beat the shit out of him. i dont know if they beat him up last night or not but yeah.. hope not :]

hehehehe x] i was looking through my dad's laptop and i came across this picture. saja2 taruh sini because.. yeah, i have nothing else to do and i miss his fucking guts x] eh eh, kiut eh that kid, but i dont remember his name. boooh di dui~ eh eh eh. HAHAHAHA! i just remembered something that happened yesterday arah rumah iring. hahahaha jajun was on her bed kan, lapas atu kan.. i think it broke and her face was like... HAHAHAHAHA! i dont know how to explain but shit. fucking hilarious. HAHAHAHA! word.

I'm Forced To Live In This Mess I Made...

2008-03-19T09:26:00.005+08:00

currently at school. i only have class at 11 until 12. but i've been here since 6.30 in the freaking morning! i didnt wanna go to school today since it was the last day... but i wanna see cBaby later on so yeah... i miss him :] fuh, been so lazy to blog these days since school started. and i could never get my hands on the laptop back at home. anyways, i shall blog the next chance i get :] i've got sooooo many posts to post up...

byebye<3

and yeah, the new friends at school :]

My Dreams Become Fake Reality...

2008-02-18T18:00:00.008+08:00

...18th February...
my dream wedding date :]

yeah, i do miss blink though :(

Dead From Bad Intentions...

2008-02-17T00:24:00.009+08:00

Zudyn's ex, we assume, logged in into zudyn's friendster a couple of days ago. well yeah, we're not sure if she is the one who logged into his account but besides me and zudyn, she's the one who knows his password. its her birth date apparently xs anyways, when she logged in there, she wrote a comment on my friendster saying:

"muamu ah macam apa hahaha badan cangkir.
inda jua lawa sangat hahaha"

yeah something like that. baie wah. mencari kelaie! baru lagi ku bangun tuu, mental jua urg tuu lehnya crazy bitch ah! but yeah, i asked zudyn about it as soon as i saw it and he said he didnt do it. so zudyn asked mira since she knows his password too. she denied it though. aishah got fucking pissed at her when i told her about what mira wrote on my friendster. kalah aku wah ia mental ah hahaha. emosi xP anyways, cAishah buat comment tarus arah my friendster, bullshit about mira.

"Wooo kesian bini2 ah! Nda tah ia malu 2, mengucap kn urg.. Diri lagi tia mihir.. Suka c jimmy, tapi nada urg suka ia blek.. Dude, get a fuckin grip.. Seriously GET A FUCKIN GRIP... Mau kn mendump urg.. P mengacau hiz new gurlfren.. English nya lagi mcm nda pernah belajar, ada kh gudbye 4ever.. LAME!! mun nda pandai ckp english, jgn th.. Malu kn diri saja.. Buduh bnr urg mcm ani eh.. Malu ku eh psl urg nda sadar diri ani eh.. Bh adang.. I got alot 2 say 2 u bitch, bt i'l stop here cz kn0win dat im rytin 2 u jz make sick.. GET A GRIP HOE.."
-aishah-

i love this weirdo hahahaha she's always there for me :] anyways, i think miraa went and checked out my friendster and saw aishah's comment cause she sent a message to zudyn saying: "seriously speaking, im sorry i was jealous after i know you had a new gf cz i do stil luv u. but i swear, it wasnt me whho deleted ur fs. i didnt knw dt u hvnt change ur pswrd cz i nvr tryna use ur fs atr we broke up. to ur gf, im sorry too. call me a bitch or whatever cz i jst dnt give a damn & fyi, i dnt fucking like jimmy, ok? im so sorry guys. i aint gonna bother u guys nmre. girl, ur lucky to hv him. say whatever u wna say bout me. takecare. cheers... -miraa"

i still think shes the one who wrote it. but yeah doesnt matter, im over it anyways. i already have him, and that's all i need. if she still wants to bitch about me, then go ahead. i dont freaking give. my cousins pun mental ane wah hehehe i love them :] yeap yeap yeap, im over it miraa. get a grip! oh yeah, zudyn showed me her pictures, cAishah cakap macam indon hahaha we kept her pictures in a frame. eeerrrgggh, lawa lagi aku. hahahaha nada deh xP nanti tah ku post up her pictures ah :] bubye.

I'd Whisper That I Love You As You Fall Out Of Your Clothes...

2008-02-11T20:25:00.001+08:00

OMFG
i fucking drove! hehehe x]

i fucking drove yesterday hahaha i was so excited!! hehehe tapi i didnt take any pictures hahaha telampau excited wah, lupa kan gambar or take a video x] i started from scratch. i didnt know anything about driving a manual car, dont know how to steer or anything like that. i think i started around 6, it took me one hour to learn speed 1. hahahaha mati saja wah engine ah. jubur banar eh x] anyways, after i finally figured out how to start, it was easy to steer and all :] hehehehehe im so excited! i want i want I WANT a freaking license hehehe x]

A Regret I Can't Rewind...

2008-02-11T20:14:00.001+08:00

He's been drinking and getting drunk ever since i sent hiim that message... i just feel so fucking guilty. im the cause of everything he's going through now :( i didnt hear this from hiim but he told Mina so she told me. to hiim, drinking solves everything. to cure hiis heart or something like that :'( hmmmph... i dont know what to do :( i feel so bad... really really bad...

abdul hakiim gigit orang<3
...im sorry...

I Miss The Way You Taste...

2008-02-01T22:11:00.002+08:00

...i've finally dumped him...

let go of kiim too later on.

dont really feel good doing this, but i have to.

just hope i wont regret doing this.

----------------------------------------

February 1, 2008.

...im officially Zudyn's...

zudyn asked me out

as soon as he found out i let go of the other two :]

- iloveu -

----------------------------------------

I've Become What A Mother Wouldn't Want In A Daughter...

2008-01-28T22:19:00.001+08:00

O-Level results for the October/November 2008 session came out earlier today. i was shit scared to know my results, then Kiim first texted me and asked what i got :] i didnt check yet that time. Then Arif texted me and asked for my index number and candidate number cause he wanted to check my result for me. After i found out, i stressed out then my SexCoach called me and told me my result too. hahahaha sucks. Then Adam texted me too and asked what i got. hehehe stress rasanya eh kana tanya-tanya ah xP

Anyways, my result.
Nur Khadijah Binti Ismail (2)
O-Level: Eng/B Bm/D Art/B

Plus the other two subject i got back when i was in AbuDhabi.
O-Level: Mat/C Phy/C Chem/E

Adam's.
Mohd Abd Azim Bin Mohd Ali (0)
A-Level: Geo/U Acc/U Eco/U

Kiim's.
Abdul Hakiim Bin Awang Yakof (4)
O-Level: Eng/A Bm/C Sas/U Irk/U Geo/C Mat/U Csc/C Art/D

Arif's.
Mohammad Arif Fazilah Bin Mohd Ali (2)
O-Level: Eng/U Bm/C Sas/C Irk/D His/U Mat/U Csc/E

Bobby's.
Abdul Hadi Bin Zabidi (2)
O-Level: Eng/E Bm/C Irk/E Geo/U Mat/U Csc/U Art/C

Anyways, cause of my results, i dont think i can get into MaktabDuli. Well, its not like i wanna go there or anything, i wanna go to pte. But since i didnt get credit for Malay, i dont think i can get into any school, maybe technical. But yeah, i dont think my mom would want me to go there anyways. I might take it again on June. Huh, its so hard. Havent studied it for like... 6 years or more. its shit hard.

The Last Kiss Tasted Like Tobacco...

2008-01-25T00:09:00.001+08:00

so my mom found out i smoke. i dont get what the big deal is. uuufff. i felt bad though when she was crying... i couldnt say a word, i felt like hugging her but i couldnt, cause yeah... we're not that kinda family. it would be awkward if i just went up to her and hugged her, i bet she'll slap me as an instant reaction. huh. she was telling me and my sister to stop smoking, but stressed it more on me.

"kau nur, jangan tah ko macam setaie. jangan tah ko besigup lagi. jantung mu atu bukannya sehat, dari damit sudah kau ani bepenyakit."
-momster-

yeah, i think i should stop cause of what she said. i mean i never really thought about it. at times i feel that its affecting me and i cant move much; i have to lay down. i think the smoking is really making it worst, but i just dont realize it. huh, wtf am i talking about? anyways, i tried to quit, but i just cant. its so damn hard. i dont know what the fuck to do anymore... i didnt wanna think about it anymore, well at least for now. so i drank earlier today. felt good :]

A Reflection In The Alcohol...

2008-01-22T20:39:00.001+08:00

huh, i miss vodka oh so very badly <3

It Hurts To Force A Smile On My Face...

2008-01-20T22:34:00.002+08:00

uhhh im so lazy to blog tonight. what did i do today? woke up around 12. took a shower. Gzul picked us up from home. went around Brunei buying stuff. went back to his place help around for his brother's marriage thing. went out after that, smoke and drank. came back home around 10 and now im home.

...anyways, the only pictures from today...

These Eyes Are Strongly Covered In Disguise...

2008-01-16T23:40:00.002+08:00

[ Morning ]

Woke up around 10 i think, took a shower, ate and then met up with my baby :] hehehe Aishah showed me the pictures she took that morning when she ditched school and went to his place with her boyfriend. Yep Yep, my baby's cute when he sleeps :] well, at least to me he does :] anyways, i went over around 1.30 i think and came back home around 3.30, before my parents come back home from work. yeah, that's my life now, sneaking out at times i can. i got caught sneaking out at night, so cant do that anymore. when my parents are at work is the only time i can meet up with him.

my baby

hashim

missyou~

[ Night ]

I had my third, and last class undang-undang today :] before going in the class i told my baby to come cause i came early hehe i miss him. Anyways, we took a mock exam, out of 40 questions, i scored 37 hahaha its not bad i guess. i hope i pass the real exam though :] cause i cant fucking wait to drive. ooouuuhh~ im excited x] uhhhh what did i do after that? oh right, i went iron my brothers and sister's school uniform, got $5 from mama. hehe this is the only way i get money now, hafta do house work. huh, its boring. but then later... i went check my friendster... looking through kiim's pictures... i miss him alot. i've lost contact with him lately... im scared to text him up... cause i fell for him... and if i see him im gonna keep on falling for him.. i wanna be with him but the problem is that im already seeing someone... i dont know, its so complicated. i want kiim, but i cant leave my baby, and i cant leave my boyfriend. aaaahh~ i dont know who i want more :( help?

...that class i attend to...

A Bad Dream That Keeps Repeating...

2008-01-15T00:08:00.001+08:00

i wanna dump him tonight,

but i dont have the guts to do it.

...i keep on thinking about the other...
...my mind's set on the other...

...yeah, you're all i think about...

You Always Know What To Say To Make Me Lose My Confidence...

2008-01-14T16:26:00.002+08:00

"mana ya tidur ni si gila ah"

Judin called me si gila last night. HAHAHA!
yeah, im so bored i have nothing else to post
so i decided to tell you guys that :]
hehehehe

...si gila mishes you...

You Hide Behind The Smile That You're Faking...

2008-01-14T00:51:00.003+08:00

Andrei's fine.
Good to know he's okay.
We're all really glad he's okay :)

That's What You Get When You Think About Her...

2008-01-13T21:28:00.001+08:00

Today i went to my first class undang-undang at Redza ( a class at Rimba, Jalan 3 )... i was so tired. didn't sleep all night long then went straight to the class. couldn't concentrate for shit... anyways, the class wasnt as bad as i thought it would be... no, theres no hot guys in my class. how sad. HAHAHA! eerrr... the teacher was funny, kinda.

"Pandu laju-laju. Kubur menunggu."

HAHAHAHA!! yeah i laughed to that when she said it in the class. hahaha buduh banar eh. adakah ya cakap 'baie eh', 'kan mati tah banar', 'tamparan banar urg ani', and other stuff like that in class. she also explained the two different meanings of 'babal'. ia cakap babal for kids, it means cute. tapi if cakap babal for adults, 'buduh tu ertinya'. hahaha i dont know, the way she said it was so damn funny and her face expressions made it funnier. hahahaha gila eh. nyaman ketawa tarus wah ulehnya x]

------------------------------

-Him- i texted him right after the class. but no reply. so i went online and he said he didnt wanna read what i sent to him... that was like.. what the fuck?! so i didnt wanna bother him anymore so i told him 'brb makan dulu' cause yeah, i was really hungry and wanted to eat. but then he was like, 'MARAH KAH??' and went straight offline. yeah, that pissed me off. i mean, what the fuck?! buduh. ane kan alum btidur, bawanya lagi kelaie. eerrrrggghhh! this is fucked.

Full Of Broken Thoughts...

2008-01-13T01:29:00.002+08:00

eerrgghh! Andrei's worrying the shit out of us. Merve called him up but he wouldnt pick up. wont pick up Mina's call either and mine. Even Ibo called him, but still wouldnt pick up. Okay, maybe he's sad or whatever, but all we wanna know is if he's okay. It's worrying me like a freaking bitch!

this is bull!
bull i tell you, bull!!!

Anyways, im currently watching
ManchesterUnited vs. NewcastleUnited and

OMFG!

Alan fucking Smith is so fucking sexy!

Manchester United fucking WON!!! 6 - 0 !!!
and yet, Smith's still fucking sexy.
:]

I'm Not So Ambitious Without You Around...

2008-01-11T18:41:00.001+08:00

------------------------------------------------------------

YES!

im finally out :]

------------------------------------------------------------

...pictures...

...on the way to the mall...
"aaaeeehhhh"

...waiting room at Excapade...

...eating at Excapade...

...hahahahaha!! a random thing...

aaaaeeeehhhhh.

Praying That You Don't Fade Away...

2008-01-11T04:14:00.003+08:00

...kidsgetlaid... yeah, that's us. there's like another four girls (Salwa, Rym, Nadine and Caren) but im more closer with Aishah, Mina, Merve and Quba. that's cause we're more alike compared to the other four. Anyways, it just got me thinking of the past, i really miss those days. Even though we wouldnt have anything to do, we'll always make it into a day we'll never forget. No, i haven't forgotten those days... Mina and her addiction to Bader. Merve and her emo-ness. Quba's 'acting cool'. Aishah's.... retardedness. i dont really miss Aishah that much, cause shes my sister hahaha. Anyways, that's not that point. i dont really know what the point is, im just bored and i really miss those days. One thing for sure is i really miss kastahing with them.

*all we've got are memories and dreams of how our life could be*
-Aishah-Mina-Merve-Kadie-Quba-

Amsterdam! that's where our effing reunion's gonna be held at. HAHAHA. Dont know when that will be though, just hoping anytime soon cause i miss these freaking bitches so effing much! i cant fucking stand it anymore. i have fun here, but compared to the fun i have here and back then, it was so much better with them than now. i'll laugh here, but not as much as i would if they're around. it's so different without them. Like the other day, Jimi's birthday. I had fun, drink and smoking and all of that shit... but i had to control myself cause i cant go back home drunk. Anyways, that night, i got tipsy, on the verge of getting drunk, and I imagined having Mina and Merve around... i got so freaking sad that i didnt even care how the fuck i was gonna go back home so i kept on drinking and drinking. uhhh point? i miss them. badly.

"I'll rip off your eyes and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick your ass"
-cendol-

Your Voice Was The Soundtrack Of My Summer...

2008-01-11T03:56:00.002+08:00

This blog was supposed to be for ...kidsgetlaid... but yeah since we're not together in AbuDhabi anymore, i wouldnt know what to post up everyday. Anyways, I called up Mina and Merve the other day for like 50seconds, and it made me miss them more. aaahhhh~ i really wanna go back to the good old days cause now, life's just shit. So yeah i was just talking to Mina online and she showed me this video of this guy i used to date, well yeah kinda. Anyways yeah, i miss him. I havent been thinking about him lately cause theres really no point of it. But then... yeah... i miss him. His immatureness... aaahhh! im gonna stop.

"run Kat"
*Kat running*
"ouch"

uhh.. i miss him. i miss kidsgetlaid too, but this is... different. i wanna go back in time and re-do stuff that wouldnt make me regret what i did or havent done before... i could never be myself everytime i was with him, i would get so freaking nervous around him and be a person that im not. i couldnt even talk to him properly. Gawd! that's a regret i cant rewind. hmmm yeah, i dont really have much memories with him, but the stuff that happened, i'll always remember. -i miss you-

Don't Believe That It's Better When You Leave Everything Behind...

2008-01-11T00:41:00.001+08:00

...he went to Miri today, and oh do i miss him so fucking much...

i fell asleep around 8pm cause i miss him so much... now its 12.45am and i still miss him so much. im just waiting for him to call me up, i would call him but yeah, im outta credit. aaahhh~ i miss him! i dont know what to do. im worried at the same time cause he's there with his cousin. just the two of them. i kept on thinking that he'll get a freaking prostitute and fuck her all night long. hope that doesnt happen but yeah, not impossible. huh, i really do miss him :( i keep on listening to the songs we would listen to in his car... uhhh i sound gay but i dont really give cause i miss him... alot! anyways im gonna get gone and wait for his call in my room, cause its effing hot out here. bye.

Saw you walk into the room
Thought I’d try to talk to you
Babe am I ever glad you wanted me to
It’s been two years to the day
Half the time I’ve been away
I know I’m not there enough but that’s gonna change
Cause I’m coming back
To show you that I’m keeping the promise I made

When I’m with you I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you
Whenever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count when I'm with you

Yeah we've had our ups and down
But we've always worked them out
Babe am I ever glad we've got this far now
Still I'm lying here tonight
Wishing I was by your side
Cause when I'm not there enough
Nothing feels right
So I'm coming back to show you that
I'll love you the rest of my life

When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you
When ever you're not around
When I kiss you I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
When I'm with you
Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made
When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you

When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cause I miss you
Whenever you're not around
When I kiss you
I still get butterflies years from now
I'll make every second count
(Make every second count)
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
When I'm with you
Yeah

...i mish you baby...

If I'm Leaving With A Broken Heart, You're Leaving With A Bleeding Nose...

2008-01-09T18:03:00.002+08:00

Yeah, my first post. I thought of what to post up, but uhhh... still cant figure out what to do. Anyways, i guess i'll just post up pictures of my holiday to KotaKinabalu on the 26th till the 29th of December. I went there with my Mama and my sister Aishah, Irings with Jazie & Gzul, Adul, MitIn & family, Usu and her kids and Nini. The whole trip took four days in total.. Driving up there and coming back was such a fucking long journey (12 hours or more). Buring gila ah. Buduh. Anyways, i slept through most of the ride though hehehehe x] As soon as we got there it was already late; the shops were closed. So the next day, we stared the day off with BurgerKing :] waaah~ nyaman gila eh. oh yeah, there's no such thing as BurgerKing in Brunei. Gay.

Shopping there was effing awesome! I've never shopped like that ever in my life. My dad gave me BN$150 and i spent every single penny. Bought clothes and a pair of jeans, the others on food and drinks (Starbucks!). Drank lots and lots and lots of Starbucks hehe (cause again, there's no such thing as Starbucks in Brunei. Gay, again.)

Anyways, we took a hell lot of pictures so here's the rest of the pictures taken through out the whole four days away from that stressful house i live in :] *lalalala* i miss -him-

...theres more...

...theres still more...

...ada lagi hehe...

...wait, i still have more...

yeah, that's pretty much it.

i had fun those four days cause life's a bitch when im stuck at home in Brunei. Anyways, Inah and Jazie slept over at my place that day we got back from KK cause we're heading up to Miri the next day :] i thought we were gonna spend new years there, but that didn't happen, thank God. hehehe came back around 8pm on the 31st. i shall post up the pictures next time, cause yeah, im not really in the mood to post up more pictures.

uhhh... byebye :]