My Hands Around Your Throat, I Think I Hate You... (Wednesday, April 23, 2008 / 6:01 PM)
i actually had so much to blog, but never really bothered to. yesterday, kiim texted me up saying that his friend aman saw me at wesmart on sunday. i dont really remember seeing him there, well, more like i dont know how he looks like. i wish it was kiim there though instead of him. i really wanna see him. it's been so long... anyways, earlier today i went online since i didn't go to school, im sick. while i was online, kiim's friend ada tagur aku about him seeing me at wesmart the other day. i said yeah that was me, and i already knew cause kiim told me. he then talked about kiim, and it went somewhat like this:
Moon child says:
Hey, i think i saw you di wesmart
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
when? sunday? aman kah nie?
---for the record, my screen name is meant for kiim---
Moon child says:
yeah
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
oh okeh. then yeah, that was me. kiim told me you saw me.
Moon child says:
yeah. that dude loves u
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
:) is he okay though?
Moon child says:
hes okay but ur not
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
im not?
Moon child says:
sory to say this. he's a guy with good thoughts and all, and he's always talking about u.
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
and your point?
Moon child says:
figure it out yourself man. girls these days just wants to fling
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
what are you saying? kiim's just a "fling" to me??
---yeah, i got pissed off when he said that---
Moon child says:
if you want someone, tell them u want them, if u dnt want that guy, tell em straight to their face! and besides im just talking to myself. and that moron loves u.
---don't call him a moron! you're a moron! heh, i know he's trying to help kiim out, but still.. i know this was not gonna be my day---
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
its just that i cant decide.
Moon child says:
Eh atu kau punya hal lah tu. jangan ko biarkan ia gantung2 cematu bah.
...kidsgetlaid... [ #22's - those nights we spent together<3 ] says:
hmmmm.. kay..
Moon child says:
do what u gota do, be wise for fuck sake. ur old enough to think wisely
Moon child says:
i wont tell him that i've talk to you.
Moon child says:
u cant possibly love 2 guys at the same time, thats like licking a horse nut sacks
---then i went off, cause i cried. i didnt mean to cry, but i did---
now i dont know what to do. i kept on looking back through kiim's messages. i thought of leaving him alone cause i can see that im hurting him somehow... i dont wanna hurt him anymore. though, i dont have the nerves to leave him. i know that as soon as i let him go, im gonna keep on looking for him. i need him around. i do. i keep on thinking, i just really dont know what to do. so i went outside to take in some fresh air and i saw that library blue board kiim took when he got drunk. i know its just a library thing, but it means something to me. cause he got it and left it outside my house.
"idk, when i wasnt sober i felt like leaving you something to tell you i was thinking abt you. Dumb dumb kiim. no more dumb dumb." a part of the message he sent me the next day. he's so fucking nice, and oh so very very cute. i miss you cTiut.. and i dont know what to do :( im so sorry~ i think i should leave you alone, i know i should. you need to get over me, and same goes for me. but it's so hard. i should get over you, i really should. im so sorry :'( i just want you to tell me that you're gonna leave me alone, that would be easier for me. i don't have the guts to tell you that we shouldn't contact each other, not for a while. fuck, i really miss you. i need your hug. i remember the way you used to hug me, and how we would spend the night together, outside. and that one particular night we looked at the stars. okay, sounds weird, but gawd. how i wish i could do anything to go back to that night. i dont know how to make this easier for you.. i thought of just leaving you alone by not contacting you anymore. dont reply your messages, dont miss call you back, dont text you back when you're online, but i just cant. you know i need you, you make me smile. when im sad, you always know when to text me up. i mean, i remember i had this problem and i was just not in the mood for anything. then you randomly messaged me. you dont know how happy i was. you're always there for me, but im not always there for you. i know you're not okay, but you still tell me that you're okay cause you dont want me to worry about you. im fucking worried about you. i really am. and the worst thing is, i seriously dont know what to do. i ask people around me, but.. yeah, i dont know. aaaaahh~ i think im gonna cry again. i think i should stop. okay, im gonna stop. byebye kiim. and im really really sorry for causing you so much trouble :'( *hugs*
